Romance…the word itself is so romantic!!
Most of us have experienced its fragrance, and why not! After all, we are human.
I remember when I turned 17-18 ( by the way, I belong to the generation that was born in the ’70s when this was considered a “normal” age where we chased to know and smell Romance ). I remember reading Mills and Boons, and I would wait to reach the pages where they fell in love. And though it took a few further years to taste the flavor in real life, I still remember how I loved reading about / watching Yush Raj films during my adolescence and entry into adulthood! My daughter is now in her early adolescence, and I can truly understand why she gets hooked on the K-series love drama over OTT. And I must confess, I too enjoy watching them along with her and otherwise. Romance is precious. Romance is addictive.
What makes the Romance so addictive & enriching?
Have you wondered why when two persons are in Love with each other, suddenly, there is a fresh perceived sense of inner joy and happiness? Suddenly, everything within and around turns pleasantly fragrant and alive. Worries and stress just disappear. Why is that so?
To find an answer, we must follow what happens when two people are in love with each other.
In a romantic expression, the couple look at the opposite with such loving eyes, they hold hands with such love-filled heart. Their eyes, their looks, their touch become a mirror for the opposite person – and suddenly everything good and positive within starts getting mirrored in the eyes of the opposite. As if, unconsciously, both hold a space for each other that reflects the Love self within. The experience of Love is always uplifting to our energy, feelings, and experience. Contemporary psychologists Hel Stone and Sidra Stone say all of us humans carry multiple personality selves within us. All through the day, a few personality traits dominate the rest and take up a front seat depending upon the life situation and inner environment of a person. These personality selves basically are our mask selves developed thanks to varied experiences through childhood and otherwise. This personality self often masks our true authentic self and its expression. We all are Light / Divine self, possessing some beautiful soul qualities such as Love, Joy, Compassion, etc. And in the moments of someone holding unconditional space of Love, this inner Light self gets to see the reflection of its divine qualities. Romantic looks, touches, holds, and hugs make us connect with our inner soul qualities, uplifting our experience and rejuvenating our energy and feelings.
Something similar follows when we are around children, especially newborn babies or very small infants.
Have you ever experienced how it feels to hold a newborn baby or a child? If you lock your eyes with theirs, caressing them, there is an instant shift in your energy- suddenly, you start experiencing happiness, love, and joy. Suddenly, you start experiencing a shift in the way your heart feels, upliftment in your energy. Have you noticed that? This is because their looks, that touch, mirrors something Good and Love within us. They help us reconnect with our inner aspect, our soul feelings of Love and Joy.
An experience of Love and romance causes our body to release Oxytocin, known as the Love Hormone. (It is released through intimate touch, such as holding hands, cuddling, kissing, massage, and consensual sexual act). This hormone is a neurotransmitter that acts as a chemical messenger between the nervous system and brain. It helps us form connections between activities and positive emotions, which can reinforce beneficial behaviours and shift in the way we feel about ourselves as well as the world around us.
Romance is an extremely powerful expression.
Romance in a couplehood:
Romance is a mutual responsibility for a successful marriage/companionship. A couple, besides during their initial period of courtship, can bring this expression alive all through their life. A life full of hustle and bustle around, we all can appreciate the importance of holding such space for each other in a couple relationship. Of course, to keep romance alive in a long-term relationship requires a strong foundation of mutual trust and respect.
Romance also adds a fragrance of spirituality in a responsible couplehood. The entire essence of spiritualism is to connect with our inner divine light and virtues of Love, compassion, forgiveness, kindness and Joy. Holding a space of Romance for one another in a long term relationship eventually helps the person fall in love with themselves. Falling in love with the self means coming to realize one’s divine essence and not getting meaningfully self-centered. There is a sea of difference between the two.
A loving long-term couple ship is a middle path that can open the door for spiritual deepening for each involved. A lovingly aligned couple ensures spiritual companionship and growth. Rather, the first-hand experience of Oneness follows as the responsible romance converts into a sexual act where orgasmic consummation follows between an aware and loving couple; here, sex turns sacred in a loving couplehood.
When Romance is welcomed with awareness and health, it turns sacred. In its denial, it turns to perversion.
Here are some tips to keep the romance alive in a couplehood:
- Daily, ensuring a couple of minutes of holding, looking, and caressing each other from the space of the heart. Ensuring it is not a ritualistic act but a genuine, honest gesture.
- Not missing an opportunity to appreciate your partner, if possible daily- it brings alive romance
- Daily ensuring a couple of minutes spent together without any distractions of phone/TV/Social media engagement- may be in house or on a walk or a meal together.
- Asking “How are you today?” or “How was your day?” from a genuine space of understanding and empathy helps
- Doing something to make your couple feel special: like bringing some gift (size/money doesn’t matter- it can be a small flower as well) or cooking something special and serving it creatively with candle lights etc, a surprise kiss on a forehead/a warm hug while couple is busy doing household chores
- Providing a space for empathetic listening: Listening to your couple when he/s wants to share something with 100 % attention, no distraction and no judgment makes the couple feel understood and loved, trusted and light.
- Ensuring a healthy and mutually consensual sexual life
A couple is like two wheels of a carriage. For a carriage to function efficiently, both the wheels need to be strong, sturdy, and of equal measures, literally! If one is weak/loose/damaged, the carriage won’t operate well. So, if you are that couple where two wheels are not in sync, there are ways to bring back alignment by taking responsibility for some self-reflection and self-work. Inner child work (for both involved), Marriage/couple counselling with some trustworthy source surely helps.
In a couplehood, only when both feels equally responsible and involved, will there be a success, not otherwise, be it romance or be it relationship.
Also, a romantic couple equals a healthy couple relationship. A healthy couple relationship equals healthy children, healthy parenting, and a healthy family. And a healthy family equals a healthy world. So, if you are in a couple relationship, recent or long term, let your romance stay alive and fresh.
And if you are not in a couple relationship, fikar not. You have yourself, as well as Life and all the gifts of Life to romance with! A mother romances with her child when she cares for her. A friend romances with their friend by offering their shoulders to cry upon. In service to others in need, we romance with humanity. A devotee romances with the divine in their pure devotion. We romance with life when we hold a flower in reverence or dance in the rain or enjoy the chirps of birds flying!
Romance comes in all shades and fragrances. Just go for it!
